Helping you when you need to say something, but also want to be sensitive and keep the peace.

Navigating this Resource

Below you will find some common conflicts between God's will and human wisdom. The topics are listed in alphabetical order in teal. Under each topic is an example of a common ideology that falls under that topic. Following the ideology are a few possible comments you can make when you want to say something but are also concerned about being sensitive and preserving the friendship. These are not the only response but examples of ways to keep the conversation going while encouraging the person to clarify what they are saying, think more deeply about the subject, and open up an avenue for you to gently offer your concern or alternative viewpoint. 

The responses below are best used with the questions posed in our resource Conversations, which can be found following the link below.

A scripture reference at the end of each section informs us of God's will regarding the particular ideology.


Next to "Possible Response," you will sometime notice a star or set of stars. You will find the resource we referenced for the possible response at the end of this page.


Improper Ideology: Abortion should not be outlawed because pro-lifers won't adopt all the babies

Possible Responses:*

  • I don't understand what adoption has to do with abortion. Would you consider the execution of all orphans justified because no one has adopted them?

  • I don't understand what adoption has to do with abortion. Would a parent have the right to kill their children unless you agree to adopt them? Would killing those children be justified because you did not adopt them?

Ezekiel 18:20; James 1:27

Back-Alley Abortions

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Abortion should remain legal, or women will die from back-alley abortions

Possible Responses:*

  • I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to promote. Are you saying we should make things legal to make them safer? Would you also say we should allow bomb-making facilities so terrorism is safer? 

  • Could you help me understand what is safe about a legal procedure that kills more than half its patients?


  • The number of women dying from illegal abortions in 1972 (the year before Roe) was thirty-nine (Table 35 from CDC's MMWR, August 8, 1997).

  • According to Planned Parenthood's medical conferences, more than 90 percent of illegal abortions before 1973 were done with medical equipment by doctors in their offices, not back alleys (Colin Fracome, Aborting America (New Your: Doubleday, 1979), 193).

Ezekiel 18:20

Child Abuse

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Abortion helps avoid child abuse

Possible Responses:*

  • I'm not sure I follow you. Would you consider a parent who beats a child so severely that the child dies as child abuse?

  • Could you help me understand how killing a child is better than letting them live when we do not know the future, so there is only the possibility of abuse in the future?

Luke 12:29-31; Genesis 38:9-10

Don't Have One

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: If you Don't like abortion, then Don't have one

Possible Responses:*

  • I have to disagree with you. This line of thinking forgets those who are pro-life see the baby as a human with the right to life. If something is objectively immoral, it is wrong for anyone to do it. Would you agree that we cannot say, "If you don't like murder, then don't murder?"

  • Could you help me understand? Are you saying as long as you don't commit acts that you find offensive, you should let everyone else do whatever they want?

Romans 1:32



Possible Response: 

  • It is true that we as Christians are commanded to not judge hypocritically and to remember we are all flawed. However, that does not mean we must turn a blind eye to those who are going down the wrong path. If you see someone you care about making decisions that are harmful to them, wouldn’t you want to help them make better choices?  

Is it judging to tell someone engaging in self-harm this is not an appropriate response to whatever they are feeling?  

  • We can come alongside people with care and compassion to help guide them on the right path. We must remember not to be judgmental in our approach to helping them. 

Matthew 7:1-5; Matthew 28:19-20

Legislate Values

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: we shouldn't legislate our values on others

Possible Responses:*

  • Don't most, if not all, laws impose values? I'm I correct in thinking that is the purpose of a law? 

  • Navigating legislation and morality is complex. Even the statement, "we should not impose our values on others," does just that: it imposes the value of not imposing values on others.

  • I'm confused. If we are not legally restraining people from doing wrong, aren't we imposing on others the effects of the wrongdoing?

Matthew 14:1-4; Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Corinthians 5:20


IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: we don't know if the unborn are human

Possible Responses:*

  • Here is how I view it. If I were unsure whether the person trying to open my front door late at night was a murderer or my teenager, I would not shoot first and ask questions later.

  • If you were hunting deer and heard a rustling in the bush, would you shoot before identifying it?


  • Babies in the womb have their own gender, blood type, and genetics. Humans always develop other humans in their wombs (never cats, dogs, etc.)

Psalm 139:13-17; Genesis 9:5-6


IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: the immoral position of abortion is a religious morality

Possible Response:*

  • I agree it is a religious position, but I don't think society should reject every claim a religion makes. In that case, we would need to allow murder and rape.  

  • Why would you say this religious position is wrong?

Romans 1:18-19; Romans 2:15

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: You're pushing your morals on others

Possible Responses:*

  • Wouldn't we have this either way? Laws favoring abortion impose values on the life of the unborn; pro-life laws impose values on the mother's liberty.

  • Isn't legislating morals (values) what laws do?

Matthew 14:1-4; Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Corinthians 5:20

Opposed to Abortion

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: I'm personally opposed to abortion, but we shouldn't legislate our values on others

Possible Response:*

  • Could you help me understand the difference between someone claiming, "I'm opposed to rape, but if you want to rape someone, go right ahead?"

  • [See Legislate Values]

Romans 1:32; Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Corinthians 5:20

Pro Choice

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Women must have the freedom to choose

Possible Responses:*

  • Would you say in a women's right to choose, she has the right to destroy someone else's body in the process?

  • Does anyone have the right to choose anything that directly ends the life of another innocent human being?


  • There are two bodies to consider; the mother's and baby's bodies. The baby has its own gender, blood type, and genetics.

Luke 6:1; Jeremiah 17:9; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Rape & Incest

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: abortion should not be outlawed because some women get pregnant by rape or incest

Possible Responses:*

  • Could you help me understand what the child did that was worthy of death?

  • Are there other times you feel the murder of an innocent human being is justified to relieve another person's suffering?

  • Would you support a law banning all abortions except in cases of rape, incest, or to save the mother's life?

[If not] Why do you believe abortion should be allowed for convenience?

Isaiah 59:7-8; Deuteronomy 24:16


IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Abortion is acceptable because the fetus is tiny, undeveloped, and unconscious

Possible Response:*

  • I need some clarification. What does size, development, or awareness have to do with the right to life? Disabled people can be tiny or underdeveloped. People sleeping are unconscious. I don't see how any of these situations would mean someone does not have the same right to life. 

Psalm 139:13-17; Genesis 9:5-6; Exodus 21:22-25

Unwanted Babies

IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Abortion is appropriate for unwanted babies, those with birth defects, or those being born into poverty

Possible Responses:*

  • Could you help me understand how being unwanted nullifies a person's humanness?


  • Would you say it is permissible to kill unwanted, handicapped, or poor children who are already born?

Psalm 139:13-17; Genesis 9:5-6


IMPROPER IDEOLOGY: Abortion is acceptable before viability

Possible Responses:*

  • Would you say a person's value comes from what they can do or who they are?

  • I'm curious about your thoughts concerning this viability standard for someone dependent on medicine like insulin or medical help like dialysis.

Psalm 139:13-17; Jeremiah 1:5; Exodus 21:22-25


Improper Ideology: The product is not a life because it is in the womb

A Possible Response:

  • So I can better understand your position, please explain why the baby's location changes things. Are there other times when the right to life is taken away because of a person's location? 

Exodus 21:22-25; Psalm 139:13-17; Jeremiah 1:5

Would You Like Help Navigating a Cultural Issue?

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*Questions and Answers were taken from Norman Geisler & Frank Turek, Legislating Morality, Wipf and Stock Publishers (Eugene, OR, 1998).